3 weeks out
I went into vacation for one week more for carried into two weeks as I transported all my luck, pride, pushing around a headache and strangling hands into a great big black package, and touching down in the coordinate home all I was, was dust, cedar, and chili flakes. No more. Just in time for equal night, the guy John tells me that spring has come early, and you can feel it, not just in the generous weather, but the attitudes, people are turned on. I said I know, because i feel it, and what's more is it's something you can hear which does not make any sounds. Like when the windows are still open in the early evening time, our sun hanging out like it hasn't in a bit. And between the talking and listening and though the room might be at capacity, and i'm reaching for beers and John is waiting to use the pit of a toilet, there is that noiseless sound of magnetic desire. Endless many words have been put down about the changing seasons, and yet still we interact, we see the living course of the year snaking into our minds which have become the fortress of our human life, we remark well what the sun does, what the moon needs and expects, and how the winds change.
Before I set off on my trip I fantasized about a quiet and warm breeze touching my face. Back here the guy john tells me he was fired from his job because some young attitude wanted to "have a feat of strength" with him. He sticks around his home because it has made him the man he understands himself to be. The tragedy is, that it's a world of an empty stage now, crowded with people it seemed to always have, but somehow they're different again. Time made people different, and New York is not anymore relaxing than it is to lay inside of a ditch on the side of a highway. So that's exactly what I got for my time, I could hear my own footsteps where I went, and that soothed something out of me. And i felt such a welcoming goodness and chilliness and release as the mysterious terrain of the United States is wont to give, that I hardly knew how high I was until body kept skidding across the land when I touched down. From my journal -
"Now it's hot on the tarmac, which reinforces my sleepiness. And just as we start to take off I'm ready to write, that it's hot, my clothes are hanging onto the dust, It seemed like such a drag getting to Santa Fe, but now its evaporating away. And relaxing in the warm stupor, it occurred to me that maybe you also feel you've achieved something..."
For all the talk of feelings, I see how important introspection is to my survival when in the coordinate "home". And a limitless list of all the new fun formulations I'd yet like to see take shape dangles in front of me, of these events of introspection, enraptured by several week long periods of intrigue where i take a back seat, not working the circle but the circle works me; It can be daunting thinking of how to respond. Even though I was scared to come back to my playbook, I like it this way. The zodiac year comes to an end. The essence of the sign of Aries, where the sun will be exalted, is the term I AM.
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